Samuel: Say, Lars! Got a minute?

Lars: Sure, what is it?

◾Samuel: You have to listen to my tale of woe!

◾Lars: I bet I know how it ends...

◾Samuel: I'd been hearing rave reviews about a new tavern in town, so I went for lunch. And it was amazing! Even better than what I'd heard, honestly.

◾Lars: Oh? What's the name? I'd love to try it. And I must say, I'm surprised. I thought for sure you'd tell me about some wom—

◾Samuel: ANYWAY! When I finished eating, I went to give my compliments to the chef... And she was a TOTAL KNOCKOUT!

◾Lars: ...Right.

◾Samuel: I told her how much I enjoyed the food, and her face just lit up! We started talking about the culinary arts, and things took off from there.

◾Lars: Didn't you say something about this being a tale of woe?

◾Samuel: Well, at one point I mentioned how smokin' hot she was. Innocent compliment, right? Apparently not, because boy, was she mad! I apologized right away, but she wouldn't have it. She said I was more interested in her body than her food. Then she said she'd rather sleep in an iron maiden than talk to me again! ...Er, and she may have also mentioned something about a chastity belt.

◾Lars: I suppose she wanted to be acknowledged for her skill more than her appearance.

◾Samuel: You mean she thought I had an ulterior motive for complimenting her cooking? Boy, you spies really are smart. After outwitting enemy generals, I bet the ladies must be easy prey.

◾Lars: ...You get slapped a lot, don't you, Samuel?

◾Samuel: Oh yeah, all the time. I mean, when I'm not getting kneed in the groin. Still, I really mean what I said. She was an amazing chef.

◾Lars: So the bit about her looks was...what then? Habit?

◾Samuel: Exactly! Habit! ...And THAT'S why I have to go apologize to her right now.

◾Lars: I really don't know if that's a good—

◾Samuel: I'll apologize for the comment and tell her I loved her cooking. AND I'll tell her it would be delicious even if she was ugly enough to scare a wolf!

◾Lars: That' really... Oh dear.

◾Samuel: I flirt because I love, you know. The last thing I want to do is hurt people.

◾Lars: Then perhaps you should stop hitting on every woman in sight?

◾Samuel: What? ...Don't be silly! It would be cruel to let one mistake deprive all other women of my charms!

◾Lars: I suppose there's a kind of respectability in passion, even if it's horribly misguided.

◾Samuel: Ooh, what a great line. ...Mind if I use it?